sauce man commeth

this re-enactment comes from a dispute between chris and tom. the event in question stems from a conversation at the gym some months ago. both parties agree that they were approached by a seemingly gay man that was surprised to find they were religious, commenting they looked like "trouble". this is where the two differ in their accounts. according to tom, chris looked back and with a teasingly saucy lisp said, "we just might be". chris on the other hand insists he had no such lisp and just casually made the comment as he walked out the door. after several interviews and months of investigation i have recreated the events and dialogue as they actually took place at the time of the event in question.

Bevington-Clark

Those living in or around Utah, be sure to check out the Bevington Blog for details on the Cousins' Christmas Party, which will be this Sunday!

Christmas Presents

Everyone post your wish list for this year so I dont have to take the time being sneaky and figure out what my secret person wants. DO IT

What's the Plan man?

I will be in the USA June 30th to August 22nd. It sounds like it would be better if I went to UT some time during the summer. When would be best. I was hoping that most of the siblings could get together at the same time, but it looks like that will not be possible, so is the a better or worse time for any of you on when I should go out there?
I was thinking of staying for a couple of weeks so we could party hardcore.
I was going to spend a few days with mom, a few days in salt lake and I was hoping to do a small trip for a few days.
What would be a good trip that most of you would be in for? Las Vegas? Cali?
Let me know.
We need to party enough to last until the following summer for the clarks family reunion.

Home Coming

As most of you know Celine and I are coming home for the summer. You can read our reasons for coming home on my blog. I was trying to think of a way we could party together. Any suggestions?

Happy Birthday Tom

It's Tom's birthday on Tuesday. What are we going to do to honor the Baldemort?

Calling All Slackers

I am not convinced this will reach all the slacker eyes that I want to see this. Most likely they are slacking off this very minute and are too "busy" or "cool" to read the family blog.

However, it has come to my attention that not all the family members are participating in this blissful blogging experience that Chris and Nancy have started. 

You know who you are (Daniel, Dad, Mike). It is high time you come out of your slacker rut and post and comment and blog with the rest of the family. We are all busy, but there is always time for a quick comment, a little thought-of-the-day post. Get it gear boys, or retribution will be severe.

Happy Birthday to Mom

As I am sure everyone knows, it was Mom's birthday yesterday. To celebrate the occasion I thought we should all write some of our favorite memories about Mom. I, being the best daughter, will go first:

I was riding my bike home from my friends house when I was caught in a rain storm. It was sudden and intense, and by the time I got home, I was soaked and shivering. When I walked in the door, I smelled the delicious aroma of vanilla and chocolate. COOKIES! Mom had made dozens of chocolate chip cookies just for us. Now every time it rains I crave chocolate chip cookies and think of Mom.

This next one is more about Mom having those super powers that moms have:

I was twelve years old and desperately wanted to go to the mall as all tweens do, but Mom said I wasn't old enough to walk to the mall, and cross that busy street, all by myself. Begrudgingly I listened to her because I had already been hit by a car once, even though my friends really wanted to go. I told them I couldn't go, and they left without me. I started walking home by myself, and about halfway back down Hillsdale I got mad, and decided to turn back and go to the mall anyway. This proved a fateful decision.

Feeling brave and defiant, I stood on the sidewalk at the top of Hillsdale and waited until the cars let up so I could dash across. I would just tell Mom that one of my friends' parents had given us a ride.

I was so sneaky.

I saw my chance and ran to the median. I stopped to catch my breath because it was a little scarier than I thought, plus more cars were coming in the opposite direction. So I had to wait in the middle of the road. While I was standing there, trapped like a rat, I saw the bulging eyes of a shocked Mom staring at me from inside the van coming my way.

Oh Crap!

I turned around and ran back across the street, back to the side of safety. I glanced behind me to see mom making a sharp illegal U-Turn. Who was this crazy law-breaking woman! I ran for it. I stayed off the main road and ran through the trees and backyards of the nearby houses. I made my way down a random culdesac to catch my breath. Ha ha, victory was mine. If she confronted me later, I would just say it was definitely not me, and she would feel too embarrassed to say any more.

I skulked out like a cautious fox and headed back to the road just when Mom came racing down the dead end. I don't know how she did it, but the side door flew open and she pulled me inside, all while sitting at the wheel.

Lesson learned: Moms have secret powers that alert them when their kids are breaking the rules. They hone in on your exact location to ground your sorry butt. BEWARE! (PS, good job Mom--I deserved it.)

Cera?

What? How do you not know who Cera is? Maybe I'm mistaken, but I am sure that is a name we used to call Brittany. Who knows who Cera is and why we called Brittany it. Unless I am mistaken in which case ignore this.
Winner gets a punch in the face.

Bigger and Better

That's what she said! A brand new website to keep everyone up to date on the dealings in the McBride household. The new website address is mcbrideandgroom.blogspot.com. Enjoy!

Big Fish

Big fish, little fish, red fish, blue fish...
For some reason when ever I meet new people they become fascinated with our family. They can't get enough of the stories, characters, etc. When I tell stories I always tell the ones I like the best and then add a little something extra.
What are some of the stories that you tell the most and which ones do you feel have become the most inflated over the years?
These stories will also help me for a new section on my blog called old war stories, where once and a while I will tell a good story from our past.

One of my favorites: I only tell a select few this one or I will alter it so it does not sound so profane. I will always bust this story out when ever I am playing games. It was when we were all out at mom's house for Christmas. It was late one night and we were down stairs playing the lame Family game that was introduced to us by C-Hag. Anyway mom was reading the names and Doug slipped in an extra one that was a fake name like the ones Bart Simpson calls Moe's tavern with. So, mom is reading the names and comes across Doug's extra one and she reads it out perfect. She slows down has a puzzled look on her face and we are all stunned. Doug's face is exploding with mirth, mom says something like, "For heaven's sake", we all die laughing, Doug propels himself off the coach lands onto he floor and starts convulsing. It might have been the funniest thing in my life. I am laughing like and idiot in the office right now thinking about it.

Most inflated: The time Me, Doug, and Homer were out side of ShopRite and the stupid deli or dilly saying came up. First of all who cares. I can't believe we still talk about it and it didn't even happened the way Doug said. I don't even think he can recall what really happened. What tangled webs we weave...

Nicknames

I was telling people about our family and somehow the fact that we all have a millions nicknames came up. I honestly couldn't remember them all, so please help.
(Don't add the nicknames in the comment section just go to the dashboard and add or change nicknames from editing the post)
1. Donkey, Lampwick, Douglas, Onkey, Pixie, Spright, Worlds Stongets Boy, Topher, Crittifier
2. Cheesesteak, Phillz, Helmet, BW, Roid Rage, Cream Cheese, Poodie Bear
3. Pizzaman, fro, afro, Puff, Eddy Rebel, Moose, Peeper, Bunny
4. Tooth, Baldemort, Cactamus Prime, Lord Baldemort, Don Prickles, Cactus- Prickles, Cactumus Prime, Cactumus Primate-Monke, Chuck,Bucky Ohare-BuckTooth Mahoney, Rabbit, Hollywood, Johnny Cage, Dust Mite, Mur Bear, Angale?
5. Elvis, Nelvin, Underwear man, Goofball, Mr. Wrinkles, Side Burns, Hound Dog, King, Muffin
6. Stash, Mustachio,Varuca, Rattigan, street rat, Splinter, Cera, Kitty, Itty Bitty
7. Homer, Head, Homer, Sausage Nips, Pepperoni Pec, Brotworst breast, Jub, King Kong Bundy, Dancing Homer, CJ ?
8. Lu, Googels, Peanut
9. Gump, Henry, Happy, gumpy/gumperton/gumper/, Henry, Lumiere, Bleacher creature, Danna Bannana?
10.
11. Q, Q Ball, Ringo
12. (Dad) Red Beard, Buzzard, Pa Dukes, Troll
13. (Mom) Ma Beagle, Sid V
I updated the list using more nicknames from Phil previouse blog, but there are more nicknames out there. What are they? What does Katty and Quinn call Britt, dad, and Lou? What is Katty's nickname?

CAPTION CONTEST

Pretty self explanitory but for those of you who rode the short bus someone posts a picture and everyone posts a caption or what have you to it and the winner gets ahhh.....a pat on the back.
Here's the first one

HUNGRY HUNRY HIPPOS!

I figured out the anwser to chris's question. All the hippos names are nicknames in our family: Happy, Homer, Harry, Henry

BOOMSHOKA
chris is gay. he wont get the camera for nancy so that we can take a colorful picture to add character and life to this otherwise bland page.

Oh wait... Nancy hooked me up. See for yourself:

Prayers answered

I wanted to thank everyone who fasted and prayed for me to find a job. I will relate the experience of how those prayers were answered. After searching for months for a job in NJ I was beginning to get discouraged. I had several interviews, some that went very well, but nothing was happening. At the suggestion of Pete some particiated in a fast on my behalf. This coupled with my own personal and family fasts and prayers gave me confidence that I would get a job. More time passed and every lead was turning into a dead end. School was scheduled to start in mere weeks and still nothing. I began to get nervous. Karine and I had discussed the possibility of moving, but neither of us really wanted to especially not out of the state, and not to Utah. To my surprise she said one day she thought we should move to Utah. I was kind of shocked but figured we should look into the option. We prayed about knowing if it was right and felt good about the move. We began planning and making arrangements to move. After a week or so we started getting cold feet not knowing if we should really move that far with no real employment and insurance guarantees. We determined to pray and fast again to gain confirmation that we should go. In less than 24 hours we received our answer that we should go. Karine's mom had also suggested the possibility of me going ahead of the family and looking or work and housing. We also felt that this was right and within 36 hours I was gone. Upon arriving in Utah I was fairly certain that I would have to look for a job other than teaching. To my surprise I found several openings and even got an interview at a middle school in Midvale. Within a week I was offered a social studies teaching position at the school. Certainly these events were not a series of coincidences. It just reaffirms what I already knew, God hears and answers our prayers, sometimes unexpectedly; but He does answer them.

Do You Remember When...

Whenever I leave home for an extended period of time I seem to get extremely nostalgic. Here are a list of memories that have recently bubbled up in my mind.

Mowing the lawn in the summer.
The log fort we built on the side of the house.
The large ice wall dad built one winter.
Big wheel wars.
The smell of Boune Munroe.
Using the younger kids as space ships and smashing them into each other.
The Pine tree in the front yard with the blue bird eggs.
The zip line.
American Gladiator games in the backyard.
The huge leaf piles in the fall.
Smashing pumpkins.
Fighting for a good vent to sit next to on winter mornings.
Watching Jane Fonda's work out with Chris.
Trip wire.
Mine, Tom's, Jason's, Chris's, and Phil's stitches.
Feeling bad for throwing a rock on a rabbit.
Hanging Jason on the fence by his underwear.
Sitting in front of the TV and singing the Simpsons theme song every Sunday as Chris led us.
Trying to watch Married With Children.
Huge amounts of Candy during Halloween.
Jumping in and out of the pool and bath.
Picking Berries with dad on walks.
Drinking Yoohoo at Grandma and Grandpas house.
The summer we drove to Chicago and dad made those picnic like tables for the van.
Sleeping on the nice warm floor of the van on the way to Chicago.
Coming home from my mission and not recognizing Jason.
When Phil hurt his neck real bad wrestling, and when he got lime's disease.
When Chris broke his ankle and would sit out on his lawn chair and make fun of me when I came home from school everyday.
Getting a balloon filled with water thrown at my face when I got home from my mission.
Stuff Your Face and Pancake house.
Picking mom up from the Rustler.
Living on Frank Street and running around with Spiderman Underwear.
Christmas Eve appetizers.
Rad
Shopping with dad and getting 2 carts overfilled with food.
Losing Brittany in Chicago.
The squirrels, park, and willow branch wars in Chicago.
Grandma's apple pie and pink pudding desert.
Learn to Learn with dad.
Spilling juice on the bed in the hotel in Florida.
Football at Boune.
Watching popcorn pop in that old popcorn popper. Waffle and Ice cream sandwiches. Dozens of different kinds of sandwiches cut into triangles for lunch on Sundays. Orange Julius's.

Do you remember them or others?

Conference Sunday (and a surprise visitor!)

We had our traditional conference brunch between sessions.

Chris had all three griddles running, and managed to trip the circuit breaker multiple timesLook who showed up at our doorstep to crash the party!! Welcome back Lou!

Be sure to beg her for your Hawaiian souvenir; she had so much stuff she couldn't decide what to do with all of it!

What's in a name continued...

So, I was thinking about what Pete said about the meaning of names, and I started wondering about our pre-Earth life names. We must have had names--we would have to be called something, and I doubt I was destined to be Brittany. So, I asked Ryan, "Do you think we keep our Earthly names when we die or do we go back to our pre-mortal life names?" The more I thought about it, I remembered that Adam (you know--from Adam and Eve) is his Earth name, but when stories are told about him when he was in the pre-mortal world, they called him Michael. Ryan said he is now more commonly referred to as Adam and not Michael. I guess that means we will be known by our Earth names forever. Sorry Jason Sid. What do you guys think? Has anyone heard anything about this?

The artist formally known as Pete

Does Pete think he's Prince? The artist formally known as Pete will now just go by'P' What's with your user name being 'P' you think you're crazy?............You're not.

Coming Soon

I have set up a new blog and will soon make my first post. The address is lordbaldemort.blogspot.com

Another Challenge

I am offering a prize to the first person who can answer this question:

How is the kids' game Hungry Hungry Hippos significant to the Clark family?

The prize for family members will not be as significant as the prize for non-family members. I know that either Mustachio or Cactimus Primate has heard this, so please disqualify yourself because I can't remember which one of you it was.

-Oh, and as always, in laws certainly count as non-family members!
(Hint: You can email me your guess so it is confidential douglasjlampwick@gmail.com You might also want to avoid the comments below)

Last Call for Balboa Challange!

I wanted to give everyone another chance to sign up. I will give you a week to decide on the following conditions if you join later the rewards will not be as good.

Who's in?

1. Chris-pull ups and push ups
2. Tom-pull ups and push ups (Individual competition also)
3. Dad-?
That's all that have accepted the challenge so far.

Terms and conditions:

• 100 paintballs for every event and hopper for a clean sweep of all 4 events.
• women can barter their winnings with their husbands or brothers for a better reward.
• I get to wear (1) pair of pants, shirt, socks, boots, gloves, face mask and underwear.
• Paintballs shot from 25 yards?

The equalizer:

• I have dropped my equalizers to try to get others to join in...
• Women: only need to equal 20% of my score or 1 minute and 30 seconds on a 1 mile run.
• Fat and out of shape: I won't mention names. 75% of my score and 30 seconds on a 1 mile run.

I will destroy you all anyway.
So who's in?

Guess Who?

I just got a sophisticated computer program that ages a photo of someone. So I tested it out on one of our family members. Can you guess who it is?

The Balboa Challenge

“You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!”

I'm calling all you out...who will have the courage to accept my challenge?

The Challenge is simple attempt to beat me in the following categories...

1. Pull-ups
2. Push-ups
3. Sit-ups
4. 2 mile run

What's on the line?

• For me, getting shot with hundreds of paintballs.
• For you, certain embarrassment and publicly admitting that I am the Ultimate family athlete.

“Ain’t gonna be no rematch”

The Equalizer: Girls only have get more then 33.3% of my score.

Time and Place: Clark Family reunion 2009...I don't know why I bothered to challenge any of you no one can beat me at the Balboa Challenge.

Who will accept the Balboa Challenge?

"What's in a name?" WS

I have been thinking on this quote by William Shakespeare lately, let me tell you why-it seems I have been talking about names and the importance of them for the last few years due to everyone around me having children. I used to think that it doesn't really matter what you name your child because, "That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet." This used to make sense to me, because I was of the opinion that whatever I named my son or what I actually decided to refer to him with would not matter, because he would still be the same. Now that we have been in Turkey for the last two weeks and I have had a lot of time to spend with Calvin and analyze his behavior it seems that the ghost from Calvin and Hobbes has entered my sons person. He has become a handful the the last few weeks. Let me site some specific examples. 1. He has no fear: He will get hurt doing something like jumping off a very high playground toy and then after he is done crying he will try to jump off it again. 2. He is not effected by punishment: If he is put in timeout he will smile the entire time and then continue his inappropriate behavior. 3. He is sneaky: He will act very nice and cute and come give me a hug, so I will pick him up and then he will start to hit me in the face with a toy or some other hard object and then start to laugh.

Because, of Calvin's behavior I have been thinking does his name have anything to do with this? We did name him after Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes, because we thought he was funny, but I see now that when children misbehave or act crazy it is funny only when you are on the outside looking in. I was also thinking that the way Calvin acts must have been similar to Chris's behavior, so maybe there is something with the C sound that inspires misbehavior in children.

I have decided to analyze Calvin's name further.

1. Calvinitouse Definition: Derived from John Calvin's' surname(Jean Chauvin). It was latinized and turned into the English version Calvin (meaning Bald). My first thought was this does not apply, but then I recalled his first name was really Thomas.

2. Living up to your name: My next step was to see if Calvin lived up to his name sake's
A. John Calvin: Leader of the Protestant Reformation: Check (He is a rebel)
B. Calvin and Hobbes: Check (He is a trouble maker)
C. John Calvin Coolidge: Check (Both use their middle name)
D. Calvin Klein: Check (Both know what they want and stop at nothing to get it)
C. Let's not forget Calvin's surname Clark...need I say more. He lives up to it in every way.

So, is there something in a name? Apparently in the name Calvin there is an extremely strong willed boy who is hyper and at the same time too lovable. Often when he is misbehaving Celine and I have to hide our faces so he doesn't see us laughing. I don't think Calvin would smell as sweet with any other name and I am glad for who he is.
This analyses and an experience I had the other day made be internalize this topic. I was at a meeting for new faculty at the KOC school where we took turns and told our names and what the names mean and a story about how we got our names. I said, "Hi my name is Peter Clark and my first name means Rock and my surname I thinks used to mean Clerk, but I am not sure. Then I said I don't have a good story behind my name, because I am 1 of 11 and my parents got tired and just started to give us names at random." (This got a good chuckle) It was through this that I thought names are really important in defining who we are. Maybe at first we are defined by our names: like Celine, because of her name people used to think she was French and now that we are in Turkey people think she is Turkish, because Selin is a very popular name here. (and she looks like a Turk). Although in the beginning and before people know us our names often define us, but later we are the ones who define our names. When Calvin is older he will decide what to do with the name we gave him. I can't wait (but maybe I should) to find out who Thomas Calvin Clark ends up to be.

Further Research: Calvin was the 220th most popular name in 2006 and Jacob was number 1. There were 1,624 babies named Calvin (Pedro beat him by 1) which is 0.0753% of the population. Calvin started out as the 100th most popular name in 1800 and had a steady decent until 1919 to 163 then his popularity hit his peak in 1924 at 44th, but then continued a steady decline to 220th in 20006.

"Good will, like a good name, is got by many actions, and lost by one." Lord Jeffrey

What do you think is in a name?

What's The Dilly O

Why haven't more people put up blogs and responded to them? I'm out of the loop. Anywya for Celines view of our experience here you can check out her blog and you can also see pictures there. There is a link on this blog in the side bar for our blog. The expeience has been great so far we don't actually start to teach until next week. For those of you who plan to come and visit it will be worth the trip, but check with Celine's blog to see when we have vacation and we will try and ge a rough idea of when and were we will be vacationing. We are not going to travel every break we have, so if you want a cheaper expeirence you can come paryt when we will be hanging around our house and we can take occasional trip around Turkey, but if you want to totally go crazy here are some ideas that Celine and I are working on for vacation, Egypt, Germany, France, Italy, Greece, Damascus, Jerusalem, and maybe Australia, New Zealand, Hungary, and India. Over the two years we will probably hit most of these places either togethar or seperate and we weill travel a lot in Turkey. We will probably stay in more of the citites when we visit most of the countries. More info to come in vacations in the next few weeks. Don't forget about the Clark family reunion.

Your input is requested

Nan has been harassing me to buy her a Treo. This is like a phone, but it has email and PDA capabilities. I think it is pretty expensive: $300 for the phone and $63/month for the plan. That's over $750/year! I know it sounds crazy, but she has some justifications. Please read her argument and cast your vote on my blog.

Hey stupid family!!!

Saturday there is what we locals call a swap meet. At this event you can buy a ton of local junk for incredibly cheap. EX: I bought a coconut bra for $3 when their usually $15. Im going to be buying all of you freaks something seeing as this is a steal of a deal, I very well can't buy some people stuff and not others, so ill be getting siblings, parents, inlaws and nephews crap. Text, email or comment me what you would like or else you might get stuck with something you dont like. shut up im rich now i can do whatever i want
Ideas
shirt, hat, sandles, swimsuit, hawaiin made jewlery, macadamia nuts, candy, (sorry no fruit can't mail it it's illegal)shells, skirt, nick nacks, lays, towels, purses, ties, journals, photo albums, collectable crap, lava lavas, ukeles, name plates. If you dont respond in the next couple of days.. I WILL BE FURIOUS.

COME ON READ MY NEW BLOG WHY DONT YOU

I wrote my story on my own page so it wouldn't take up a ton of room on the clarks page....i would just call all you freaks to tell you of the past week, but there's way too many of you people

Celine got this all wrong. We weren't sacrificing him, we were merely performing a cannibalistic ritual.

Ancient Times?

I didn't think we would be sacrificing children while all the brothers were together...

LouTube up and running!!

jigga wha?? Heres the link to my new blog! UHH ClickHereOrDie

All By Myself...Don't Wanna Be... All By Myself...

Chris's greatest nightmare: being stuck in New York City on his own. Having to walk around alone, eat alone, and even go to beddy-bye all alone. Can he handle it? See the poll in the sidebar.

Mom makes it to the small screen

Check out the video website http://www.kpvi.com/Global/story.asp?S=6819669

Quote of the day

Quote of the day

I'm gonna slap you baldless boy!

Quote of the day

"I love my mother because she understands that I am not a normal child and punishes me more than fair."

Farming

I am torn on the farm question. I do not know how to post on Nancy's blog so I will say here that in fact, it is Chris not Nancy that comes from a farm family. The Clarks' owned and farmed a great deal around the Milltown, New Brunswick, North Brunswick, and Spotswood areas. However, (sorry Nancy) although your family are not farmers it sounds like you lived on a farm to me.

What ever happened to "quote of the day"

Here's one for you guys to guess. "Sons! You must pay the rent!"
Who said it to whom?

Double feature

Some of you may be aware of the infamous spin kick incident between Jason and Tom. During one of their usual tiffs Jason claims Tom attempted a ridiculous kung-fu spin kick on him. Tom denies any such thing and says he simply went to unleash a normal soccer style straight forward kick. I have through eye witness accounts been able to piece together the events as they actually took place. As a bonus today I have included a family mystery kept hidden up until now. This mystery combines one of Mom's classic threats with Tom's present condition. Keep in mind that these re-creations are very low budget and therefore they will look somewhat cheesy, but do not let that take away from the facts that are presented.

The True Story of Sure Buddy

As official Clark historian I feel it is important to present the truth behind many of the stories, myths, and legends constantly being brought up in family discussions. As an historian my first priority is accuracy and integrity. I know that many will argue and disagree with my findings, but rest assured that I have tirelessly and extensively researched these stories and found the actual truth. I will be presenting my findings on the blog for all to see. Please feel free to suggest future topics for my research, but please be patient and give me time to thoroughly research before I present my findings. This first installment is the true story of the legendary sure buddy that Mike created.

Hope for Baldemort

I have been searching long and hard to find a source of relief for our dear brother, Baldemort. I was searching known medical illnesses on the internet and came across something that I think will really help. I found this on wikipedia, I have included a link that will take you directly to the page. Fear not Baldemort help is on the way. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Cactaprimatus.JPG

Life as a lab rat

This past week I spent 2 days 3 nights in a research clinic so they could test a new drug that is supposed to kill bad bacteria (no I dont remeber the name of the bacteria, the drug, or anything important) I do remeber how much im supposed to get paid and that is exactly 1,718!!
This place was so boring and strict, I couldn't take it anymore so I ran out onto the balcony and past other offices. I saw a meeting going on and figured what a perfect opporutnity to make one of them chuckle while big dumb serious goon was giving his speech, that way when he sees pencil-neck brown-noser laughing he can be like, "what do you think your laughing at?!" major suck up can be like, "there was some girl making disturbing faces at me from the window." Important tyrant turns around and I vanish! Meanwhile brown-nosing weasel gets fired, re-evaulates his life, discovers he hated his job anyway and then goes sailing off into the sunset. The uptight fruity doctor didn't like too much that I was trying to make some stiffwads life better and made me come back inside, telling me "What do you think your doing? You need to come inside right away for your dosing..running around like that. This isn't a playground, does it look like one to you?" "Yes it does, like a very poor peoples playground." This guy really needed to loosen up and have a belly laugh so while all 4 doctors and nurses eagerly crowed around my bed after my "dosing" blankly starting at me like a zoo animal I pretended to have a seizure. They all gasped and I even saw one of the nurses quickly side shuffle to one of the machines. "meh ha! just kidding this stuff running through my veins is just cold." The other nurses laughed and told me I "gave them a fright" while the doctor that pulled me inside turned an interesting shade of red and just walked off. I'm hoping he too discovered he hated his job and A walked off the balcony or B joined former pencil pushing nerd into the sunset, I think they'd make a beautiful couple.

Just after my tramatic episode

He's Back!

I was wondering how Tom was going to adjust being back in NJ, and I got my answer today. After 7 hours of sleep I decided to try to get Tom up at 8:00 a.m. He told me to go away and mumbled something else under his breath. Later, at 8:30, I told him if he did not get up that I would have to go to the gym by myself, so he crawled out of bed and splashed water on his face in the bathroom, then he ate a good breakfast. We hung out until 9:30 and then went to the gym. We started working out at 9:45. At 9:55 he said, "Are you serious? When do we get a break?" I kept working out while he took breaks and lay down on the bench in the gym. (I have a pic on my phone) He then disappeared for a while, and when I went down stairs to look for him, he was pale with a green tint to his skin. His eyelids were red and his eyes - blood shot. I asked if he throw up and he responded that he did. He barely made it to the bathroom and had to throw up in the trash can while people looked on in horror. He then claimed he was feeling better and we finished our work out.
After just a few days, Tom has reverted back to his previous state. The natural man (or in Tom’s case “the creepy man”) has taken over. He does not like his slumber interrupted. He sleeps and throws up while doing physical activity and he eats too much junk food and then complains that we are trying to poison him.
It’s been great having Tom back as Tom. (I missed the good old days) I must admit, I have laughed more in the last 48 hours than the last two years. Tom is definitely the official creep. The creepiness is too creepy to put on the blog, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Living with Tom is much like living in Tooonville, where he is Mayor Creep.

Braces

Never Fear, Mother's Here

Okay boys and girls, I have finally signed up on this blog. That means it's time to start watching your words. I don't want to have to wash anyone's mouth out with soap now, do I? What mother wants to see her children calling each other creeps, after all?

I'm sorry I'm late getting started, and I probably won't be able to contribute much because I don't have a lot of time. But that's no reason not to be nice to each other. I like the pictures; keep them coming. I'll post some of K & Q's latest competitions soon.

Don't you wish you were in Utah?

We miss Lindsey!

See more about our holiday here

I Have Been Vilified

After being away from my computer for one day I was astonished to see that Tom and Brittany’s “Right and Wrong Pronunciation Debate” has caused so many postings. First, if I knew my comments would be attacked in such a vicious manner, I would not have posted them. I also did not know the debate would transform into expressions beyond opinion of the subject matter and delve into personal injury.

I think maybe my comment was misunderstood by everyone. Let me try to make it clearer here:

I did some research on phonics relating to the continuing debate.

There are standard/nonstandard, formal/informal, and proper/improper ways to pronounce words in the English language. The standard, formal, or proper way to say a word depends on the dominant culture of where it is being said. If you pronounce a word while speaking, you may not be pronouncing it the nonstandard, informal, or improper way. For example, if you are talking to the Queen and pronounce something that goes against received pronunciation, and then you are pronouncing that word in the nonstandard, informal, or improper way.

For the right and wrong aspect of it I feel that many are misunderstanding the definitions of certain words.

Wrong: 1. not proper or usual; not in accordance with requirements or recommended practice: the wrong way to hold a golf club.

2. Unacceptable or undesirable according to social convention.

3. Not in accord with established usage, method, or procedure.

Right: 1. in conformity with fact, reason, truth, or some standard or principle

2. socially approved, desirable, or influential

3. properly or fittingly

Now that these definitions are understood, let me make my case even more clear, yet again. First, if you can say a word wrong then you must be able to say a word right. 1. So, if I was to pronounce a word in the English language that was not pronounced that way in any dialect, accent, or by any other human, then I would be pronouncing that word “wrong” because it was against and unacceptable with all social conventions. (Many ESL people and people with speech disorders struggle with this, which is why they have speech therapists) 2. There are four ways to say almond in America that are socially and culturally accepted, so if I pronounced almond another way then it would not be right, it would be improper or unusual and would not fit the recommended practice. 3. My last point is that if you follow the International Phonetic Alphabet the world uses and is socially accepted worldwide, you are speaking “right,” and if you do not, you are speaking “wrong.” If you take this point a step further and are talking about other languages, such as French or Spanish, there are absolute right and wrong ways to say words; so if you are using examples of some ethnic words being arbitrary in their pronunciation, you are sorely mistaken.

Penultimate Conclusion: Since we have normative ways to pronounce words in the English language in social and cultural aspects, there are “right” and “wrong” ways to say words. Since, I am now a master teacher, it has been my pleasure to educate all of you.
Conclusion: Often a teacher's job is not to tell students what to think but how to think by questioning opinions posed and to consider different perspectives on an issue by using various sources, not only one. This type of synthesis and evaluation influences children to develop higher order thinking and the ability to navigate a variety of texts in more than one way.

How to identify a creep

On the donkey's blog there is a poll to designate the official creep. There are a couple of problems with the poll, the biggest is that the donkey himself is not included. The second problem is that some people may not understand how to properly identify a creep. If saying outrageously inappropriate things was the only consideration then I think we all know who would win. But when considering the word creep an image comes to mind, scraggly, shady, unkempt, and as weird al once said an eddie veder like wild eyed stare. I like to think of it this way, if you put all the candidates in a line-up and brought in a random person that doesn't know any of them and said, one of these people was apprehended skulking around the alley who do you think it was. That is how to identify a creep. Given this description there is really only one choice. You've played where's waldo, here's a game called where's the creep?

Comment-Checking Got Ya Down?

I just added a new feature to the sidebar that will list the last 5 comments people wrote on this blog, so you can easily see what's new.

For those of you who really want to stay on top of things, I can add you to a distribution list that will send you all posts and comments via email. Let me know if you are interested.

Any other comments or suggestions about the blog?

STOP! This is a Rebuttal. Read Tom's Argument First.

Firstly, kudos to Tom for reproducing my argument rather accurately. Secondly, I would like to clear up that I was joking when I “corrected” Ryan’s pronunciation of ridiculous because we were both saying it the same way. It seems now that there is only one point of disagreement on this issue: Tom believes in “right’s” and “wrong’s” and I do not. It is his choice and opinion to feel there are “right” and “wrong” ways to say things, while mine is that there is standard (formal, informal, general) English, and nonstandard English. At one point Tom felt I was getting too into semantics, and then I reminded him that’s what the issue has been about all along. As I understand the argument, Tom feels that people can pronounce words in several ways, but not names. There is a flaw in his argument because Americans commonly have several pronunciation for names, regardless of how it is typically pronounced. For example, the name Michelangelo is pronounced two different ways (the American way is to add an a to make it sounds like Michael). Neither pronunciation is “right” or “wrong,” but rather one is more correct or standard if you are in Europe and the other more correct or standard in America. Now, Tom might say, well that’s different because you are talking about another country, but it is the same. The names we have in America come from all around the world, so there are no strictly “American” names. When a group of people decide to say a word or name a particular way it becomes the most “correct” or standard pronunciation for their in-group. Yes there are national standards or more acceptable or recognized pronunciations, but that doesn’t mean there are no alternative pronunciations. As for Tom’s examples, his points might be more valid if he used more applicable examples. Larissa’s hometown affected a close pronunciation to Reese’s by saying Reesie’s. To make his point, Tom continually uses example that are too absurd because they don’t follow the rules of the English language. It is absurd that he would pronounce ridiculous as recockulous because the di sound is never replaced with the co sound. Whereas Larissa’s neighborhood substituted the short e sound at the end of Resse for the long e sound. This has and does happen. Tom needs to clean up his examples and make them more applicable for me to consider them part of his argument. Yes we follow rules; the English language is structured and this is what keeps our language intelligible. Yet, to try and stop relatively logical changes from occurring, like the alternate pronunciation of Reese’s, is preposterous. Changes will happen and they aren’t right or wrong, they just are.

There's no wrong way to say a Reese's?

So many of you have heard about this debate already. Let me catch the others up to speed. People in Larissa's home town pronounce Reese's, Reesie's. It's something I used to tease her about and she mentioned it to Brittany and Ryan. Brittany said, "So what." I said "Larissa is saying it wrong, it should be said Reese's." This started a long and heated debate. Brittany said you can't say wrong or right, only standard or not standard-common or uncommon. Let me back up, to
The ironic begining: The Reese's debate began because Brittany and Ryan had been discussing the proper (more common) way to say tyrannical and asked our oppinion.
I agree that some words have more than one way for pronunciation. And sometimes there is a more common way to say a word but both ways are correct. Brittany said because this town in Ohio all say Reesie's that is right for them (colloqualism) and therefore I cannot say they are saying it wrong. In that area that's how it is said and it doesn't change the meaning. Good point but I must disagree. First let me say I understand Brittany's studies are in this area and she is more knowledgeable about some grammatical topics than myself and others. Let's put that aside considering this topic isn't of such great depth that others can't have an opinion or say on the subject. Please in your comments make a more valid point other than saying Tom is stupid and Brittany is the expert in this area, I know this may be a tempting argument for say Chris or Phil. Ok, as stated before I agree that langauge changes over time and we have to be sensitive to the different accents and or dialects of our fellow countrymen. We are not discussing other langauges or the english language in 50 years. The debate is, can you say someone is pronouncing a word wrong or right. On a philisophical level it is probably true that nothing is definite or wrong or right. But such arguments are seriously missing the mark. During this debate much has been argued and talked about, I will try to present my argument with two main points.
1) The candy is named after the man called Reese:
Do we have the liberty to change this man's last name because it's applied to a candy? Or does the pronunciation of his name stay in tact because the candy is named after him? I submitt that we cannot decide to say his name however we choose (well I guess we can do what ever we want) it is his name and we don't tell him how to say it. Are we to believe our simple brothers and sisters from Ohio will call this man H. Reesie? Of course not. Why does his name change because we add 'S to Reese. If our name was spelled with an "E" and we made a Clarke bar (I know Clark bar already exist) called Clarke's bar would anyone say Clarkie's bar? Some people probably, but would it not be incorrect if our name is not pronounced Clarkie?
2) The 'S show a possessive quality. IE, if you were to say "Look, there is Mr. Reese's car." Almost nobody would say Reesie's car. Larissa readily admitts she would say Reese's not Reesie's car. What's the difference between his car and his, shall we say buttrecups or pieces?
There are other points to debate and argue but this entry is already long. I know we've hardly scratched the surface, but tell me what you think. Is there no wrong or right way to say any word? Can we say words however we want but not last names? Do we not follow rules when speaking and writing (I know I don't when typing, please no comments)? What would things truly be like if everyone pronounced words however they felt like and we accepted that as correct english rather than accepting these words or phrases as colloqualisms?
An ironic end: Brittany said Ryan spelled ridiculous incorrectly (rediculous). Ryan a usually good speller said "No way you say it rediculous." Brittany chided him with a correction, "Ryan it's pronounced, ridiculous." But to me this whole debate his recockulous because that's just how decide I say it.

Wounded in battle by Portegeuse man-of-war!

It was a beautiful sunny day. I didn't have much of an agenda, the world was mine for the taking. "What should we do today?" stupid Janie asked. I gave it some deep thought before I responded, "Lets boogey board out to goat island." Goat island is a large mass out in the pacific sea where surfers and kite boarders trek to, to catch "the ultimate wave." It takes about an hour to swim thru choppy waters to this deserted island, there are also said to be reef sharks near the island...did this stop me? NEVER. I arrived at the beach and dove right into the water anxious for my quest. Swimming thru the rough waters would be hard for most chumps but not for lindsey freaking clark, I sliced thru those waves like butter. Than Janie opened her stupid foreshadowing mouth and said, "oh man I hope we dont get like bit or anything." No sooner had she closed her mouth, when I opened mine to yell out in pain. I had been hit!! The man-of-war jellyfish wrapped it's filthy tentical from my left arm, around my neck and down to my right arm. I had to rip it off of me while severing my flesh in the process. I couldn't go on anymore, it was the most excrustiating pain Ive ever experience! My arm started to swell disabling me from paddling, but I pushed forward. Once out of the water the wind was whipping about all over my swollen arm. My arm was bright red and about twice the size it should be. I screamed out and kicked stuff. There were no medics in sight, I had no one full of pee to ask to relieve themselves on my arm, and trust me I wouldn't have cared it hurt that bad. Finally I just ran to the bus stop, went home and dumped baking soda all over my body. I was almost neutralized by the enemy but I fought on. I am asking the clark army come out here and cook the filthy swine that attacked me. I have a feeling he was sent out by the dreaded Applebees, this battle is now a war.

Relocating the Troll

As you might know, Red Beard's lease is up next month. He has been thinking about dwelling options and asked me to post his top 3 choices. Please evaluate the locations and let him know what you think. Which looks best and why? He wants you to consider a few things:

1. He doesn't have a lot of worldly possessions, but he does have a camper and a stump grinder--actually he has 2 now
2. He will soon have an ogre living with him. This ogre is approximately 9'11'' and he anticipates growing another 3 feet by the end of the year. The ogre also melts in the sun
   
3. He likes to bathe in the nude
4. He doesn't mind snakes, but he hates spiders
5. He can fit into a pillow case

Here are his options:
-----Option A ------------Option B--------------Option C-----

I got to meet Elvis while he filmed Blue Hawaii!

...bad day
Honolulu
Henna Tattoo

More Pictures!

I dont even know this guy
Hawaiin country side


waiting for concert to start
Matisyahu the jewish raggae rapping beat boxer
sunset beach

Family Law

I think we need to put together a council to judge complaints regarding family lore.
Possible Structure:
1. 3 person council (They have to be unbiased on the issue)
2. Each person puts forward their case using: expert witnesses, photo's, reasoning, and other evidence that will support their case.
3. They present their case before the family and everyone writes why they think a certain case should win.
4. Then the judges deliberate and come up with a verdict.
5. The judges decision is final, although there can be an appeal after a certain time then the case will go before 5 judges.

Family Fast

I think we should fast as a family more often. This month I think we should do a family fast for Phil, so he can find a job. What do you all think? I think we should fast for Tom next.

Sure buddy

Here's a sure buddy caught on tape, it's not extremely funny but gives the idea of what sure buddy is all about please see chris' blog From the Donkey's Lips for more detail about the sure buddy challenge.

Harry Potter Theme Park

It is a glorious day for Potter fans everywhere. J.K. Rowling announced there will be a Harry Potter theme park opening in 2009 in Orlando, Florida. This is the website where the BBC reports on the park:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/6706939.stm

Phil's family pics

Here's some pics of the kids and Timmy's birthday party at pizzahut

The Next Great American Super Hero

The Hairaiser

Don Prickles:
Bio: He is an agoraphobic living in Hovel Hideaway (A run-down motel that features individual hovels for long term guests). He has two friends who support him and bring him food and company. They try to get him out by setting up blind dates that always end in disaster. The only way he will go out is with his teddy bear for support. He is an online film critic, which gives him a substantial income. He will also go out if he dresses up in a costume and performs stand up. His alter-alter ego for stand up is the Cheeseball. He delivers cheesy one-liners that always bomb.

Recap: Agoraphobic, two friends, lives in hovel, can only go out if he has his teddy bear and on a date, does stand up in disguise as the Cheeseball, or fighting crime as The Hairaiser.

Alter-Ego: The Hairaiser:
Bio: His abilities were passed down since the beginning of time. There has always been a Hairaiser to defend the innocent as long as anyone could remember. But, can The Hairaiser still protect the people in the modern age? Where Don Prickles is weak and introverted, The Hairaiser is charming, extraverted, and confident.

Super Powers:
1. Cac Attack: Shoots hardened hair follicles out of his skin resembling cactus spurs. These spurs are slightly poisonous causing his enemies to become weak or pass out.
2. Hair Manipulation: Can use the hair on his body like an appendage. He can use hair collectively or individually depending on how much force is needed. Some examples are making a fist of hair to punch his enemies, creating trip lines, or using hair to swing around. The down side to this is he can only use the hair on his body, so if he loses too much hair he has to wait for it to grow back to have full strength.
3. Red Hot Hair Attack: When extremely angry his hair becomes red and hot causing severe burns on his enemies. Down side - his hair also becomes red and hot when he is blushing (Another reason dates don’t work out)
4. The Hair Ball: This is his most powerful power. He can throw balls of hair to consume his enemies or just a small hair ball to choke them. The price for this is that once the hair leaves his body it dies within minutes and is gone forever causing him to be in a weakened state until more hair grows.
5. Side Kicks: He hosts legions of fleas in his hair, but they only follow his commands if it is in their best interest or if he bribes them with treats. He is the only one that can hear them and they often are distracting especially on dates where they say inappropriate things.

Weaknesses:
1. Vixens: These women usually working with the enemy have certain attributes that The Hairaiser is blinded and distracted by. These women use their attributes to lure him into ambushes.
2. Hair Remover: Anything that removes hair - fire, Nair, scissors, razors, etc.

Enemies: Peter the Pie Man (More Coming Soon)

Friends: He is part of The International League of Super Hero’s. (More Coming Soon)

Check out this commercial featuring a double CD set by the Fathers of Insults!

Corrections and

Let me just start out by saying, I never claimed to be the Insult King. I never even really claimed to have been the author of most of these names or quotes. I seek not for my own glory, but only to pull down the pride of those who seek to glut themselves on the merits of others. For the time being, we will focus only on Chris, seeing how Jason is not able to defend himself.
Let's look at Chris's so-called ability to make up nicknames.

10% Genuine Wit
30% Theivery
50% Misapplication of material by The Chrisite minions
10% Longevity (Chris has been insulting longer than anyone; therefore, he has more names)

Lets examine his "facts"

1) Who cares if Quin could talk when the name was started. Does it really matter that we started the name, and then during the course of the name calling, she then learned to talk.
2) Chris's claim that the name lasted so long. I have been called buck for 15 years, cased closed.
3) Chris claims the name couldn't have been made up in a matter of days. Since when does it take months to make a witty comment about someone's appereance.
4) Quin's hair wasn't long enough at Christmas time.

I must come clean about my original argument. It's true that the name was not made up at Christmas. It was discovered when I stayed in UT before my mission. I was indeed the author of this name. I chose to hide my identity at first because as I stated before, I look not to glorify myself but to disband the glory hungry Chrisites.

Too long has Chris been given credit for names simply because nobody can remember who actually originated them. Why do we listen to Chris's number one minion, Phil? He was on his mission during this time.
Chris and the members of his faction have changed their stories and the "facts" surrounding this event so many times. Why are they considered credible witnesses?
Chris the master manipulator:
Chris's main tactic when claiming knowledge for a particular story or event is to bend to whatever new memory has surfaced. He will never break or come clean with his story, he simply bends to the will of the crowd. He gets backing from his loyal fanclub and has them publish slanderous filth towards his accusers, trying to intimidate the accusers into submisison.

Instead of allowing this matter to linger in litigation for months, I will offer Chris a plea bargin. He may take claim on the name "beatle" while I take sole possesion of "Ringo." This is most generous of me considering Chris founded neither name. I now consider the Ringo matter closed. Please be advised from this point on, anyone to make claim upon the name Ringo will be subject to copy right infringment, thank you.
Sorry for the long entry, this needed to be said.

Family Files Links

Quick note about the blog. I've added a list of links to the side, called "Links to Family Files." This is a list of documents that we want to be able to view and modify in the future.

• Click on Clark Birthday List to see a list of everyone's birthday. (Please make corrections as necessary)
  
• If you click on the Family Survey you can view it , but if you want to add your answers you will still have to send them to Pete.
  
• If you click on the Nicknames Works Cited List it will take you to a page that you can add to and edit.

These family files are being hosted on a separate webpage that I have set up to hold our documents so we can link to them. If you have other files you want to upload to that site, I will help you out! [Note: You should already have access to the clarkcentral site where these documents are being hosted, because we all set up accounts for it last year. If you have trouble accessing it, let me know and I will re-invite you to the clarkcentral site so you can sign in under the same account name you are using for this blog; once you get that set up, going in between sites will be seamless.]

Again, for clarification, keep posting all your stuff here on the blog, but if you have a document that will be viewed/updated continuously, we can also upload it to the clarkcentral hosting site and provide a link to it on the sidebar of this blog. Any questions, comments or suggestions?

Tom proclaims himself insult king

Tom has taken exception to the storied career of Chris and Jason as insult sultans and demands his rightful acclaim. Well perhaps if He would produce a listing of his grievances and his accalades it would be easier to adjust any errors. The truth is he called me shortly after sending my comprehensive works cited and had little to dispute. He even marvelled at how many insults Chris truly laid claim to. Just remember dear brother imitation is the best form of flattery monkey see monkey do!

Quote of the day

So here's a game for the blog spot that will be fun, put up a random quote or story that is infamous within our family and people have to guess who said it. so here is mine. "Let me nibble on your ear" who said it and to whom.

Whats new with Lou

1. My house, the porch and yard are being redone and looks even better

2. & 3 sunset beach

4. sunset beach park, those are tree branches im hanging on\

5. some hot guys i burried in the sand...i think i already sent you guys this picture.

Word! sooo i still work at that ice-cream store the girls i work with are all locals and call me a howli (which means white person) but said im not a bad howli that trashes there island...so i wont be getting "lickings" anytime soon. My friends from work and I are gonna go skydiving this month and my new friend Evan is gonna take me rock climbing. Sunday I went to see Matisyahu...he's a jewish rapping/raggea singer..the show was awesome!!! however the car our roommate let us borrow broke down on the way home in a rural town, and we had to sleep in the car...then some guys jumpstarted it for us at around 2 am, it started and we went back on the highway....only to have it stop in the middle of the road, we called the cops cuz we had no money for a tow...they thought i was 14 and stole the car, they insisted my liscence was fake but i had my social security card and got out of that one. they pushed our car in the median and we slept in it until 6 am. i dont know where the car now is we took the bus home. also i found two kittens i brought home...one is all white and i name it howli, the other one is a runt and extremely skinny and about to die...i think it's bulimic i keep seeing puke everywhere...i named that one marykate.