Wounded in battle by Portegeuse man-of-war!

It was a beautiful sunny day. I didn't have much of an agenda, the world was mine for the taking. "What should we do today?" stupid Janie asked. I gave it some deep thought before I responded, "Lets boogey board out to goat island." Goat island is a large mass out in the pacific sea where surfers and kite boarders trek to, to catch "the ultimate wave." It takes about an hour to swim thru choppy waters to this deserted island, there are also said to be reef sharks near the island...did this stop me? NEVER. I arrived at the beach and dove right into the water anxious for my quest. Swimming thru the rough waters would be hard for most chumps but not for lindsey freaking clark, I sliced thru those waves like butter. Than Janie opened her stupid foreshadowing mouth and said, "oh man I hope we dont get like bit or anything." No sooner had she closed her mouth, when I opened mine to yell out in pain. I had been hit!! The man-of-war jellyfish wrapped it's filthy tentical from my left arm, around my neck and down to my right arm. I had to rip it off of me while severing my flesh in the process. I couldn't go on anymore, it was the most excrustiating pain Ive ever experience! My arm started to swell disabling me from paddling, but I pushed forward. Once out of the water the wind was whipping about all over my swollen arm. My arm was bright red and about twice the size it should be. I screamed out and kicked stuff. There were no medics in sight, I had no one full of pee to ask to relieve themselves on my arm, and trust me I wouldn't have cared it hurt that bad. Finally I just ran to the bus stop, went home and dumped baking soda all over my body. I was almost neutralized by the enemy but I fought on. I am asking the clark army come out here and cook the filthy swine that attacked me. I have a feeling he was sent out by the dreaded Applebees, this battle is now a war.