Double feature

Some of you may be aware of the infamous spin kick incident between Jason and Tom. During one of their usual tiffs Jason claims Tom attempted a ridiculous kung-fu spin kick on him. Tom denies any such thing and says he simply went to unleash a normal soccer style straight forward kick. I have through eye witness accounts been able to piece together the events as they actually took place. As a bonus today I have included a family mystery kept hidden up until now. This mystery combines one of Mom's classic threats with Tom's present condition. Keep in mind that these re-creations are very low budget and therefore they will look somewhat cheesy, but do not let that take away from the facts that are presented.

The True Story of Sure Buddy

As official Clark historian I feel it is important to present the truth behind many of the stories, myths, and legends constantly being brought up in family discussions. As an historian my first priority is accuracy and integrity. I know that many will argue and disagree with my findings, but rest assured that I have tirelessly and extensively researched these stories and found the actual truth. I will be presenting my findings on the blog for all to see. Please feel free to suggest future topics for my research, but please be patient and give me time to thoroughly research before I present my findings. This first installment is the true story of the legendary sure buddy that Mike created.

Hope for Baldemort

I have been searching long and hard to find a source of relief for our dear brother, Baldemort. I was searching known medical illnesses on the internet and came across something that I think will really help. I found this on wikipedia, I have included a link that will take you directly to the page. Fear not Baldemort help is on the way. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Cactaprimatus.JPG

How to identify a creep

On the donkey's blog there is a poll to designate the official creep. There are a couple of problems with the poll, the biggest is that the donkey himself is not included. The second problem is that some people may not understand how to properly identify a creep. If saying outrageously inappropriate things was the only consideration then I think we all know who would win. But when considering the word creep an image comes to mind, scraggly, shady, unkempt, and as weird al once said an eddie veder like wild eyed stare. I like to think of it this way, if you put all the candidates in a line-up and brought in a random person that doesn't know any of them and said, one of these people was apprehended skulking around the alley who do you think it was. That is how to identify a creep. Given this description there is really only one choice. You've played where's waldo, here's a game called where's the creep?

Sure buddy

Here's a sure buddy caught on tape, it's not extremely funny but gives the idea of what sure buddy is all about please see chris' blog From the Donkey's Lips for more detail about the sure buddy challenge.

Phil's family pics

Here's some pics of the kids and Timmy's birthday party at pizzahut

Check out this commercial featuring a double CD set by the Fathers of Insults!

Tom proclaims himself insult king

Tom has taken exception to the storied career of Chris and Jason as insult sultans and demands his rightful acclaim. Well perhaps if He would produce a listing of his grievances and his accalades it would be easier to adjust any errors. The truth is he called me shortly after sending my comprehensive works cited and had little to dispute. He even marvelled at how many insults Chris truly laid claim to. Just remember dear brother imitation is the best form of flattery monkey see monkey do!

Quote of the day

So here's a game for the blog spot that will be fun, put up a random quote or story that is infamous within our family and people have to guess who said it. so here is mine. "Let me nibble on your ear" who said it and to whom.

Works Cited

Due to continual controversy and arguing over who is the founder of nicknames in our family I decided to put together a works cited page. it seems that some are feeling slighted that they are not getting proper recognition for the hard work and effort they put into degrading and humiliating their siblings. I felt this injustice should not go on any longer. One complaintant said that too often credit for making up names and insults goes undeservedly to Chris and Jason- from the list I compiled you will all see that this complaint certainly has merit. feel free to challenge or clarify any errors that you may think you find. I can only go by my best recollection or the common traditions handed down by our forefathers. please make a reference properly citing the author of these names when using them. thank you for your cooperation. Please feel free to add any that i left out. i tried to only include common ones although i know there are more obscure ones they aren't used enough to merit a reference. I have also included approximate dates which are open to revision, but it would be inappropriate to cite our sources without a date of reference

Clark Insult Works Cited

Pa Dukes- Chris 1994
Red Beard- Chris 1993
Buzz/Buzzard - Chris 1994
Troll- Chris 1993

Ma Beagle- Chris 1999 (the use of this name is strongly discouraged since mom thinks it references a dog and not the notorious cartoon criminal we all know)
Sid V/ Siddy V/ etc.- Chris 1998 (again use of this name is not recommended in the presence of mom as she references it to the serial killer, also lets not forget the brilliant use of this name by one Jason Clark during a game of mafia)

Onkey- hybrid of donkey originator unknown 1985
Donkey- Ron 1990
Doug- Tom 1993
Lampwick- Pete? 1992
Pixie- Jason 2004


nantheman- Jason 1999

Cream cheese- Chris 1988
BW/Bed wetter/ b-dub- Chris 1986
Roid Rage- Chris 1995
Cheesesteak- Chris 1999
Helmet Head/ Lord Helmet- Jason 2002

brazilian monkey- Jason 2005

Puff/Pufferton/ Puffer- Jason (really these all spawned from Afro Puff founded by Chris)2000
Pizzaman- Chris 2001
Afro/afro puff- Chris 1992
Ed rebel- Chris 1990
Moose/Moose on the loose - Chris 1995
The funny joke song- Tom/Jason 2002

navajo- Jason 1999
Chag- Phil 2002


Lord Baldemort- Jason 2006
Don Prickles- Jason 2006
Cactus- Prickles- Jason 2005
Cactumus Prime- Jason 2006
Cactumus Primate- Chris 2007
Monkey/Primate- Chris 2006
Chuck- Chris 1989
Bucky Ohare- Chris 1989
Buck- Chris 1989
Tooth Mahoney- Chris 1992
Rabbit- Chris 1989
Hollywood- Jason 2003
Johnny Cage- Jason 2003
Dust Mite- Phil 2003

Greeser/Greese/Greesy- Chris 1990
Goof/goofball- Mike/Jason (Mike was the founder of the term but Jason applied it to him) 2001
Mr. Wrinkles- Jason 2001
Sure Buddy- Mike- originator 1999 (however Jason is the major innovator of this saying)
Sideburns/Sideburns McCoy - Chris 1991
King - Chris 1990
Elvis/Hound dog - Chris 1990

Mustachio- Chris 1999
Varuca- Chris 1988
Rattigan/street rat/etc. Chris 1993
Splinter - Chris 1989

Homer- Tom 1995
Sausage Nips/ Pepperoni Pecs/ Brotworst breasts/ any other nipple name Phil/Tom/Chris/Jason 2002
Jub - Phil 2003
King Kong Bundy - Phil 1990

Lou Lou- Chris 1992
Google/Googly- Pete 1998


Gump/gumpy/gumperton/gumper/etc- Jason 1999
Henry- Chris 1994
Lumiere- Jason 2004
Happy- Chris 1994
Bleacher creature- Jason 2005

Ringo- Chris 2003

total names/catch phrases= 42
with over 90% of the total names and insults attributed to them(Chris 30) (Jason 19) Chris and Jason are certainly the fathers of insults. if you follow the timeline it is amazing to see how Chris ruled the 80's and 90's and seems to have passed the torch to his protege, Jason, in the 21st century.