Reconstructing the Ringo Time Line

A certain chimp who we'll call Lord Baldemort has caused quite a stir. He has made several claims regarding the coining of the nickname Ringo. I will present his claims, then reconstruct the time line of events.

The Ape's Claims

• The name Beatle was used first, but was changed to Ringo within the same day
  
• This happened at Christmas while everyone from New Jersey was visiting Utah
• The Ape was present during the trip and during the occurrence
• The occurrence happened at the mullet apartment
  
• The person to coin the name Ringo was from New Jersey
• Quin had the Beatle haircut during this time
• Quin's reply, "I'm not Ringo, I'm Quinny Ringo" was made some time after the first use of the nickname

The Time Line

• October 1999 - Quin is born
• Christmas 2000 - Quin is just over a year old and can most likely say "mommy," daddy," and "ball." Mom just moved into the mullet apartment. The New Jersey crowd spends the holidays in Utah. Celine surprises Pete with a Christmas present in Utah: herself.
  
• August/September 2001 - Gorilla boy comes to Utah to go on his mission
• October 3, 2001 - The bald one enters the MTC (shown below holding Quin sporting a Ringo-like haircut)
  

• October 6, 2001 - Quin turns 2 years old
• Christmas 2001 - The Utah group enjoys Christmas alone. The New Jersey group is in NJ with dad.
• July 2002 - Mom moves to house
  

Things to Consider

• Did a NJ hero leave his legacy by coining this name during a fly-by-night trip?
• Did this happen during the 2000 Christmas trip when Don Prickles was present and Quin was just barely a year old?
• Was Quin's hair even long enough to be called a Beatle when she was barely over a year old?
• Did this happen right before Cactus Jack entered the MTC when everyone else was in NJ?
  
• Were the names Beatle and Ringo actually introduced on the same day or was the name Beatle used for some time before?
• How long did the name Ringo last? If she couldn't speak when the name was first used, did the name live on long enough for her to give her famous reply?

I have presented the Bald Eagle's claims and the facts surrounding this case. I leave it up to you to decide.

Works Cited

Due to continual controversy and arguing over who is the founder of nicknames in our family I decided to put together a works cited page. it seems that some are feeling slighted that they are not getting proper recognition for the hard work and effort they put into degrading and humiliating their siblings. I felt this injustice should not go on any longer. One complaintant said that too often credit for making up names and insults goes undeservedly to Chris and Jason- from the list I compiled you will all see that this complaint certainly has merit. feel free to challenge or clarify any errors that you may think you find. I can only go by my best recollection or the common traditions handed down by our forefathers. please make a reference properly citing the author of these names when using them. thank you for your cooperation. Please feel free to add any that i left out. i tried to only include common ones although i know there are more obscure ones they aren't used enough to merit a reference. I have also included approximate dates which are open to revision, but it would be inappropriate to cite our sources without a date of reference

Clark Insult Works Cited

Pa Dukes- Chris 1994
Red Beard- Chris 1993
Buzz/Buzzard - Chris 1994
Troll- Chris 1993

Ma Beagle- Chris 1999 (the use of this name is strongly discouraged since mom thinks it references a dog and not the notorious cartoon criminal we all know)
Sid V/ Siddy V/ etc.- Chris 1998 (again use of this name is not recommended in the presence of mom as she references it to the serial killer, also lets not forget the brilliant use of this name by one Jason Clark during a game of mafia)

Onkey- hybrid of donkey originator unknown 1985
Donkey- Ron 1990
Doug- Tom 1993
Lampwick- Pete? 1992
Pixie- Jason 2004


nantheman- Jason 1999

Cream cheese- Chris 1988
BW/Bed wetter/ b-dub- Chris 1986
Roid Rage- Chris 1995
Cheesesteak- Chris 1999
Helmet Head/ Lord Helmet- Jason 2002

brazilian monkey- Jason 2005

Puff/Pufferton/ Puffer- Jason (really these all spawned from Afro Puff founded by Chris)2000
Pizzaman- Chris 2001
Afro/afro puff- Chris 1992
Ed rebel- Chris 1990
Moose/Moose on the loose - Chris 1995
The funny joke song- Tom/Jason 2002

navajo- Jason 1999
Chag- Phil 2002


Lord Baldemort- Jason 2006
Don Prickles- Jason 2006
Cactus- Prickles- Jason 2005
Cactumus Prime- Jason 2006
Cactumus Primate- Chris 2007
Monkey/Primate- Chris 2006
Chuck- Chris 1989
Bucky Ohare- Chris 1989
Buck- Chris 1989
Tooth Mahoney- Chris 1992
Rabbit- Chris 1989
Hollywood- Jason 2003
Johnny Cage- Jason 2003
Dust Mite- Phil 2003

Greeser/Greese/Greesy- Chris 1990
Goof/goofball- Mike/Jason (Mike was the founder of the term but Jason applied it to him) 2001
Mr. Wrinkles- Jason 2001
Sure Buddy- Mike- originator 1999 (however Jason is the major innovator of this saying)
Sideburns/Sideburns McCoy - Chris 1991
King - Chris 1990
Elvis/Hound dog - Chris 1990

Mustachio- Chris 1999
Varuca- Chris 1988
Rattigan/street rat/etc. Chris 1993
Splinter - Chris 1989

Homer- Tom 1995
Sausage Nips/ Pepperoni Pecs/ Brotworst breasts/ any other nipple name Phil/Tom/Chris/Jason 2002
Jub - Phil 2003
King Kong Bundy - Phil 1990

Lou Lou- Chris 1992
Google/Googly- Pete 1998


Gump/gumpy/gumperton/gumper/etc- Jason 1999
Henry- Chris 1994
Lumiere- Jason 2004
Happy- Chris 1994
Bleacher creature- Jason 2005

Ringo- Chris 2003

total names/catch phrases= 42
with over 90% of the total names and insults attributed to them(Chris 30) (Jason 19) Chris and Jason are certainly the fathers of insults. if you follow the timeline it is amazing to see how Chris ruled the 80's and 90's and seems to have passed the torch to his protege, Jason, in the 21st century.